T3k3n 3

taken-3

Prologue

Highly popular BBC Radio 5 Live personality Danny Baker, rushed through his front door and punched a gollywog, as he did for the vast majority of Saturdays after his morning stint on the radio, of which he entertained a small portion of the British public with his down to Earth, low-brow football fan banter. It was a ritual (the gollywog punching, not the radio show, that was his job). Baker was excited as he had one more film to go in his Liam Neeson marathon of which he started since Neeson came out in an interview and said he wanted to kill a black man on his cherished BBC. Baker had only seen Schindler’s List (which he enjoyed due to all the jews being killed, but he didn’t much care for Liam’s character as he felt he spoilt the fun) in the Neeson back catalogue up until his racial slur which had handed the jolly cockney new respect. Since then he’d watched all but one of Neeson’s appearances and pretty much enjoying them all (even though The Phantom Menace thoroughly confused him). Baker made himself a cup of tea in his “Keep it Heinrich Himmler” mug, wrapped his swastika flag around himself, and settled down to the last installment of Neeson Goodness. Taken 3!

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Review

After watching Taken 3 starring Liam Neeson and forest Whitaker, directed by Olivier Megaton and written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, Baker mused that this installment certainly didn’t live up to the last two, and the second one wasn’t exactly La Dolce Vita. Neeson’s portrayal of Bryan Mills looked a much more fatigued performance which wasn’t helped by a poor script, choppy editing and a plot that goes off on a tangent that just gets lost and ends up nowhere… Baker Summarised.

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Epilogue

With that, Baker read a chapter of Mein Kampf, then took solace in his twitter account to try and forget what he’d just seen. It was at this point he realised that his notifications were filled with news of the imminent arrival of the royal baby. The half black royal baby. This was it for Danny, he’d had enough. Over forty years he’d been in show business and he’d never let his true colours show. There was that one time he seig heiled a like minded fellow in a corridor at television centre in London, but nobody important saw him. But now he decided enough was enough. Taken 3 was poor and Liam Neeson was dead to him. It was up to him now to take a stand and properly represent the extreme far right. He typed “posh monkey” into google.

2/10

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