Stars: Naoko Amihama, Reiko Nakamura, Shiro Sano
A woman wakes up in a hospital and is terrorized by horrifying hallucinations and two sadistic doctors.
Here’s a bit of a Guinea Pig bonus for you all to get damp about, it’s “Lucky Sky Diamond” aka “Bloody Fragments on a White Wall”, the film that some dodgy distributors mistook as the seventh film in the series. Can’t blame them really, it’s around the same 50-60 minute length as the Guinea Pigs, it’s by the same producer, and it’s gory and mental. This little box of Christmas was directed by Izo Hashimoto who also directed the colossal “Evil Dead Trap II” and who wrote “Akira”. Nice action.
Of course there’s a snazzily colourful title sequence before we see a woman on a hospital bed in a dingy room giving it all “Ugh” and “Argh”, which is all being shot on dodgy video. This is so Guinea Pig that it makes “Android of Notre Dame” look like… well, “Android of Notre Dame”. The woman in question’s name is Youko and she’s doing a lot of groaning, so I have to turn the volume down as I don’t want my neighbours thinking I’m watching graphic pornography again. She clocks a drip connected to her arm which is full of worms and she starts screaming, that’s better, I can turn it up again now. It’s a funny old world. Anyway, apart from the worm drip, there’s what looks like guts hanging from the ceiling and blood running down the walls. It’s a bad hospital. After loads more screaming, she eventually sees a face looking at her through a fish tank, so she runs back a bit and knocks over a bottle of acid, so now there’s acid smoke everywhere. It’s at this point blood starts pissing out of her flange and she gives birth to her own guts. Yep.
That’s not the end of the film though, we’re only six minutes in, even though our heroine has just pissed out her insides. What other wacky hijinks will she get up to? Well, upon hearing all the commotion, two doctors (one male, one female) enter and start to try and calm her down by forcing her onto the bed and slapping her a few times. When this doesn’t work, Man Doctor makes her drink some red nonsense and she eventually quietens for the first time in the film. A bit later on, Woman Doctor changes the patient’s knickers because there was a bit of blood on them, remember, from the whole guts palaver? So far this is totally like a cross between “Flower of Flesh and Blood” and “Devil Woman Doctor” as Man Doctor talks into the camera with weird lighting on his face like the mental samurai from the former and well… doctors etc.
So next up, MD randomly starts having full sex with the patient as WD watches on some monitors and gets a horny nosebleed. Honestly, this is just the tame stuff that’s leading up to the mentalness. After having a nightmare where she’s clothes shopping or something, patient Youko wakes up and she’s back to her usual screaming and groaning, so WD tries to calm her down by putting meat on her head. Damn, it didn’t work. Worth a try though. Time for plan B which entails WD sucking out Youko’s eyeball and showing it to her. This technique kind of backfires and when she finds out it was just a Paul Daniels magic trick, Youko kicks off even more. I’m not even sure if that was worth a try. MD grabs her head and says something about brain surgery to the camera. Louder screams ensue.
It was during that last scene that I wrongly thought I was sexually attracted to Woman Doctor, it turned out it was simply a flattering angle. Anyway, it does look like Youko is somewhat messed up as when WD cuts into a melon, she sees more worms inside which turn out to not actually be there Lost Boys style. Are these doctors actually here to help her? Oh yeah, I just remembered the rape so I doubt it. Right what’s going on now? MD’s injected some blue shit into the patient and WD is shaving her hair off. Do I even have to go into the quality of the bald wig? Well it looks crap at first but looks okay on the operating table, which reminds me. On to the operating table and MD is drilling a whole into Youko’s head as WD starts singing a lullaby like the crazy bitch that she is. She then bins some of Youko’s head and when she clocks her brain, she starts doing a funky dance. Meanwhile MD is poking around at the brain and making Youko’s arms and legs move. He’s enjoying it. He then starts making her laugh and cry before WD randomly starts sucking him off. Youko is dreaming about getting kidnapped at this point as a bug comes out of her brain. MD eats it. That’s the operation done then.
Later, after much screaming and head holding from The Youkster, she is strapped down to the bed and WD puts headphones on her, sits on her and rants crazy madness straight into her head as MD lies beside her making weird noises and looking into space. This film is just a bag of surprises as seconds later WD is stabbing Youko in the belly numerous times. Cut to even later on and Youko is alone and stumbling around, trying to hold her non pissed out guts in. She walks out of the room into another which has been trashed. She spots a microwave and opens it. Guess what’s inside, a silver star if you said guts. WD then walks in with flowers in her hair looking totally brain gone. I actually love how mental she is. She starts throwing food at Youko before pinning her down and trying to force feed her. Youko’s having none of it so she gets stabbed a few more times. She’s a tough bird however, she might even be invincible judging by this. She gets the knife off of WD and stabs her back some. WD sounds like an 80’s kettle at this point as she screams in a high pitch. Youko escapes to a corridor where more mentalness awaits.
This batch of mentalness comes in the form of MD in a box with crazy Daryl Hannah, Bladerunner make up on. He cuts a hole for his head and punches his arms through, then starts chasing her. Cheeky. WD crawls over to the monitors to watch the action whilst licking something white. I don’t know what it is. Eventually MD corners Youko and she pisses herself. It’s just piss this time and not guts and stuff. MD walks slowly towards her and when he reaches her, he just collapses and lies down next to her, fondling her protruding intestines. He’s a total wrong’un. As this is happening, Youko finds a hammer under a pile of whatever and starts bashing MD’s head in, but as everyone seems to be super human in this, it doesn’t really affect him and she ends up getting stabbed for the eight hundredth time. He then stabs himself to death and Youko runs off. What a lucky little sky diamond she is.
That’s basically how LSD ends, kids. Youko ends up back in the room that she woke up in and starts drinking all the liquid she can find as she crawls under the bed. What a ride that was. I can’t understand how it’s not included as part of the Guinea Pig series because in my opinion, it would be the best of the bunch. With all the madness I was trying to describe to you, I didn’t really go into how well it’s shot, with it’s bizarre angles which just shouldn’t look as good as a film that’s basically set in one room. The acting and effects are spot on too, It’s a triumph in Japanese mental gore. Which reminds me, Daisuke Yamanouchi week will commence soon right here as promised and expect some East German mentalness for all the family straight from 1957. The quality just keeps rising. What a time to be alive! Cheers.