Stars: Mitsuru Fukikoshi, Kobuhei Hayashiya, Masami Hisamoto
A drag queen doctor conducts experiments on patients which end up in anguish.
Right, I’m not sure what’s going on here. Last time I checked this was the sixth part in the series. Has someone done some kind of “Guinea Pig” revamp recently or something? Hang on, I’m going to do some research. Okay, so it turns out that this was the sixth film to be included in the gory franchise, but “Mermaid in a Manhole” was the last to be released chronologically, so this was given the title “Guinea Pig 4” for reasons I can’t be bothered looking up (I’ve got a review to write here!) and there seems to be a lot of confusion about what order parts four and six are meant to be in. Anyway, I’ve started this one now so I’m just going through with it, even though I’m pretty sure I should be doing “Mermaid in a Manhole”. It doesn’t really matter as there’s no connection between any of the films anyway, it’s just that I was dreading reviewing this one and part five, I didn’t even make it through this on the first try, but I guess I’m gonna have to now. Who knows, it might actually be great, and at least I know I’ll be finishing off the series with a bang rather than a whimper.
So what has this film about a transexual doctor got in store for us? Well it opens with a doll lying on an operating table and the devil woman doctor cuts it open with a scalpel. All of a sudden a huge spray of blood gushes out decorating the room claret (that’s posh for red), and the title screen comes up. Fair play to this series, they know how to throw a title screen at your eyes. He, or she… I’m just going to stick to “he” for the review because the voice is very manly. He tells us that he’s an underground surgeon without a license and we’re not allowed to know his name. Well thank you, I’ll just call him DWD then. So he’s going to show us some of his examination history. I don’t really know what this film is yet, it’s far from a documentary feel, but the fourth wall is being constantly kicked down. Oh, there’s a family standing in a field.
Okay, so this film is mental. DWD is shouting things like, “you’re a crap family”, or something along those lines through a megaphone, and the dad, who’s wearing the worst bald wig you’ll ever see, like it’s not even the same colour as his face, is getting all pissy and the son has to calm him down. DWD then congratulates them before telling us that they all suffer from a disease where if they get angry, their heads will explode. He then does individual tests on them which is basically just insulting them until, well yeah, their heads explode… Even the baby’s. We then meet a girl who’s got a similar condition, but she’s got it in her heart and it explodes if she ever get’s a sudden shock. She sits there all cheerily being told this is the final test. She say’s that she’s ready, so DWD suddenly shouts from behind her. Guess what happens.
Now we’re introduced to a man who we’re told has Jekyll and Hyde disease, and I want you to be aware that this scene takes place in a busy restaurant. The guy’s having a coffee and all of a sudden his right hand starts playing up. It pours sugar onto his head and then smashes the cup into his face. Eventually it starts trying to strangle him and he begs DWD to help him, so he rams a fork into it, pinning it to the table. After the guy says that this action may have been a bit extreme, his leg starts kicking off and so DWD stabs it with a knife. The hand then escapes from the table and… well this goes on for a while, there’s more stabbing and we then cut to the man doing a kind of Jekyll and Hyde show where he’s grabbing his own neck and stuff from behind a wall as people cheer. So that’s the good news, he’s managed to use his peculiar disease to his advantage. The bad news, I think this doctor might be a bit crap.
Well this is a pretty normal little film so far I’m sure you’ll agree, but it’s about to get pretty damn bizarre. Our next victim, I mean patient, is a yakuza guy who’s got a human faced tumor growing out of his stomach. Yeah, it talks too. It starts chatting up DWD who seems to be loving the attention, but this really pisses of yakuza guy so he starts arguing with… his tumor. Someone’s brain actually came up with this. So what do you think DWD prescribes for this particular case? You’re right! He advises the gangster to let his tumor become a famous TV personality. Cut to him topless in a park dancing in front of a crowd and then letting young children put there fingers in the tumor’s mouth. I might just have a quick “Eraserhead” break at this point to clear my head and get my brain back in gear.
That’s better, so what’s happening now? Oh of course, there’s some reporter who’s broadcasting live from a human flesh tasting party. He talks us through the various dishes which include eyeball jelly, a salad with hands inside, and testes and clunges in menstruation blood. Decent! After trying some cancerous liver, the reporter asks some of the guests what they think about the food and they all say they’re not really into it. He then heads over to a cleaning lady who acts all camera shy, but in a very chatty way. Oh right, it’s the same actor that plays the devil woman doctor, what a talent! What just happened again? Sorry guys, I just don’t know what the hell is going on anymore.
These “Guinea Pig” films are all between fourty and fifty minutes long, so sometimes I do have to do a bit of padding out in my reviews to make them suitably long. Well not this time, we’re not even halfway through yet. Oh hey! there’s the girl from “He Never dies“, Ivu, or Eve as she called herself in these films. She’s my favourite actress of all time! She’s the Japanese gore-com Vivien Leigh! I’ve lost my mind! By the way, she’s just casually chatting to a zombie. Now they’re going on dates. She’s picking out shirts for it in a clothes shop. They’re in a restaurant. Other things etc. Now they’re locking little fingers, but unfortunately, Eve has ripped off the zombie’s pinky. Cut to the zombie and DWD, in the cleaning lady guise again, in another restaurant. The zombie is really decaying. Oh, that parts over then. Am I even meant to understand what’s going on at this point?
The real DWD is back now and he’s telling us that most pets are generally great, but there is some bloody violent ones. What could he possibly mean? Let’s find out shall we? A girl walks down a street and spots a box covered with a sheet so she wanders over to investigate. When she looks in, she discovers to her dismay that it contains human internal organs, then suddenly, they jump out into her hands. She’s obviously not a fan of this situation so she screams and chucks them on the floor before running off, but the organs chase her. She stumbles into a phone box and the organs start twatting into the side trying to get in, eventually sliding underneath the door. She runs away again and there’s still intestines and stuff after her until she bumps into DWD who’s holding a bin. This time when the little bastard jumps at her, DWD catches it in the bin and puts a lid on it. This is what he then says, “Everybody, please watch out for the internal organ abandoned in the street.” Just… wow.
Next we come to one of the more… conventional doctor/patient scenes. This one involves a guy who sweats blood, so in order to get rid of some of the excess blood, DWD orders the man to vomit it out. Which he does. Yeah, They’re coming thick and fast now. The next guy has a tattoo that kind of changes shape and moves around his body. DWD’s procedure for removing it is to use a Freddy Krueger style glove, but of course the tattoo keeps moving around and eventually he tears all the guy’s skin off. The last segment just has some of the patients on a roof comparing diseases. One guy vomits eggs, another shits aliens, and the other man’s tongue turns into a pigeon. After this, DWD decides to have an iron pie throwing party, which entails throwing a pie of metal spikes into each of the actors faces as their names show up on screen. Honest.
I can’t say that was the most enjoyable thing ever, but I was far from bored. I can’t remember why I couldn’t get into this the last time I tried watching it, maybe it was because I did the full marathon and had just watched the sensationally disappointing fifth installment, but I’m pretty sure I turned it off before anyone’s head exploded. I have to admit, I was wrong, I know that now. The humour really varies in quality, but at no point is it anywhere approaching conventional. It’s probably the least gory of the films so far, but that’s not exactly saying it’s child friendly. I don’t know, it looks like I’m recommending it, and I reckon if you have the sense of humour of a serial killer, then you might actually love it. Cheers.